Christmas Vacation
by Goku Girl
Summary: Shounen ai. Buruma invites her friends and family on a nice holiday trip and soon learns that some ideas are doomed to failure. It's a complete short story.


_se12-12-03 to 12-25-03_

**Disclaimer:** Why do we even do these anymore? It's not like the dub's worth claiming and everyone knows who the original "man behind the balls" is.

**Author's Note #1:** It's been over a year (maybe longer) since I've written a fanfic for comedic purposes. So, if it's not very funny, you know why.

**Warnings:** Mild violence (it's Dragon Ball; why must I warn people about this?), profanity, substance abuse, shounen ai, mild Buruma bashing.

**Pairings****:** Goku x Vegeta, Trunks x Goten. The other pairings are standard (for the most part).

* * *

**Christmas Vacation**

_**Prologue**_

_December 7th, 8:03 p.m. "Capsule Corporation."_

_'Twis eighteen nights before Christmas, and all through the house not a creature is stirring, not even a mouse._

Buruma frowned hard at her writing. She doubted that it could get any worse. Why try to make her invitations sound clever in the first place? "Because I hate being boring, that's why." Suddenly an idea hit her, one so good she wondered how it came to her in the first place. "Sometimes," she chuckled, "I amaze even me."

* * *

_**Part 1**_

_December 22nd, 1:20 p.m. "The Second Son Home."_

"We've got mail!" Goku called as he shuffled through assorted magazines and letters. A gaudy red-green-and-gold envelope caught his attention almost instantly. The name and address on the back flap was very familiar. "Hey, it's from Buruma."

Vegeta's voice commented from three rooms away. It was a little muffled with distance, but his annoyance was still conveyed beautifully. "Does it sound like I care?"

"Now wait a minute." Everything except the letter was dropped into the nearest chair before he went to look for his soulmate. Vegeta was in the bedroom scowling at the basket of clean laundry on the bed. "Those clothes aren't going to fold and put away themselves, you know."

"Remind me again why I'm doing this."

Goku smirked. "Because your cooking is hazardous to your health."

The scowl became even deeper. "What does the onna want?"

He tore open the envelope and pulled out a pamphlet sized white card. On the front, in fancy golden script, were the words "I Wish You A Meri Kurisumasu!" Below them was a picture of the aging scientist in a traditional red Santa hat with white trim.

"I'm almost afraid to open this."

"Just do it, Kakarotto. No sense in holding it off."

The card was opened and a bright tune wafted up from it. Buruma's voice, singing horribly off-key, made them both wince.

_"I wish you a Merry Christmas  
I wish you a Merry Christmas  
I wish you a Merry Christmas  
And a Happy New Year."_

Her voice paused and, just when they thought the torture was over, it began anew.

_"An invite to you  
To you and your friend  
An invite for Christmas  
And the happy new year."_

Scrawled on a small pocket containing airline tickets were the words, "Come visit me for the holidays! Love, Buruma."

"Who was that addressed to?" Vegeta asked.

"Me."

One dark eyebrow rose. "I'm just your 'friend'?"

"So she can't sing _and_ she's in denial; so what?" He pulled out the plane tickets. "We going?"

For a long moment Vegeta didn't say a word. He folded clothes with quiet precision, stacking them in neat piles of shirts, pants, and underwear. When he was finished, the small Saiya-jin nodded once. "It's my dream to rub the fact that she's single and I'm not in her face."

"Vegeta, you're being petty."

"You think I care? The onna drove me insane for years! This is my revenge!"

Goku rolled his eyes. "Well, if we're going I suggest you pack today."

He turned and inquired with a look. There was plenty of time to get ready unless, Kami forbid, Kakarotto was actually looking forward to vacationing in Hell. No, wait! They'd both been to Hell before. In comparison, this trip made perdition seem like Disneyland (even though that was torture in itself).

"These tickets-" Goku tossed them over. "-are for tomorrow."

"DAMN THAT ONNA!"

***

_December 24th, 4:15 p.m. "__Buruma's Home @ __Amaki Ski Resort."_

"Chestnuts roasting on an open fire..." Buruma sang. She felt the need to accompany every single song on the "It's A Very Generic Holiday, Volume One" CD. By the third tune, Videl was about ready to kill herself.

"Gohan," she growled softly. They were helping to hang decorations around the scientist's large mountain home. The large evergreen tree in the corner of the living room remained naked due to the express order of Buruma herself. "I know that you love her, but if she doesn't stop singing soon I'm going to strangle her to death!"

He imagined his petite wife straddling his father's oldest friend, hands wrapped around her neck, banging the older woman's head onto the floor repeatedly. He paled, "Why don't you join Bura in the kitchen? I'm sure she and the girls could use a hand."

"Will you be okay in here with her?" Videl glanced over to where the other woman was sorting ornaments, completely oblivious.

"I'll be fine. You go on and have fun baking cookies."

At that moment the song changed to "The Twelve Days of Christmas". Gohan groaned silently and mouthed, "Oh, Kami." to his wife. She shot him a sympathetic look and make a quick exit.

Luckily he was saved by the doorbell. "Just a minute!" he called just as Buruma reached "Five golden rings!" The two people standing on the welcome mat completely surprised him. "Otousan? Vegeta-san?" he gasped as he opened the door.

"Is someone being tortured in here?" Vegeta asked loudly. He stepped over the threshold and smirked at his ex. "Oh, it's your singing. Only you could hit such discordant notes naturally."

"Bit me, Vegeta," she snapped.

"Gomen nasai but I don't eat crow."

Goku stepped between them with their luggage. "That's enough. I know that asking you two to be nice to each other is too much, but can you at least not snipe at each other so often?" Turning his attention away from the two, he embraced his oldest son. "How have you been? I'm sorry that I haven't been writing and calling as much as I should."

"It's okay, Otousan. We've all been kind of busy."

Two little balls of pure energy ran full speed from the kitchen, followed by a larger, but just as irrepressible, one. " 'jiisan! 'jiisan!" The oldest little girl, Fajita, cried. She was five years old and the final daughter of Gohan and Videl. While Pan favored their mother, she definitely favored their father. Goku picked her up and tossed her high in the air. "How's my favorite munchkin?"

"Hey!" Misagi, Bura's daughter, immediately protested. She was a year younger than Fajita and resembled both her mother and her unknown father (how else could they explain the dark eyes and hair?). The father's identity was known to only herself and Trunks to protect him from her father. She pouted (a look that was, without a doubt, inherited from Bura) and clutched Vegeta tighter around the neck. "I'm still _your_ fav'rit, right?"

Inwardly he cursed. How could he reassure his little granddaughter without looking foolish in front of the others? Simply put: there was no way. "You bet, Misagi-chan." The little girl giggled and beamed before squirming to be let down.

Bura grinned. "You're so good with kids, Papa." She hugged him hard. "I missed you," she said softly.

Sometimes, he forget that it had been only three years since she was still a child herself.

"I missed you too, princess."

The group of them settled into a holiday-inspired rhythm. Vegeta baby-sat the girls while Goku assisted Buruma and Gohan. He would have liked to help with the baking, but Videl blocked the doorway with a determined look in her eye. "You step one foot in here, it'll be the last move you make."

He had held up his hands, palms outward, and backed away slowly.

Buruma continued to assault them with her singing. Seeing his son's pained expression, Goku joined his voice with hers and tried to drown her out during 'Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer'. "And if you ever saw him, you would even say it glows."

"Dinner will be ready in about thirty minutes," Bura announced to the group in the living room. She returned to the kitchen just as someone else rang the bell.

Goku, being closest, went to answer.

"Meri Kurisumasu, minna!" Trunks greeted as he entered. He carried one very large suitcase while Goten handled two more bags. He'd grown his hair long and tied it back into a loose ponytail to proudly display the numerous golden hoops in his right ear. Additional piercings included two eyebrow rings, a nose ring, and a tongue piercing (and those were just the easily visible ones!). Goten looked tame in comparison; he only had one in each ear.

"Tousan!" the dark-haired demi-Saiya-jin shouted before hugging him as hard as he could. "Still lookin' exactly the same."

"Well, _you're_ not," was the blunt response. "Neither of you. It's like you took a trip to Gayville and was assimilated."

"Shhh!" Trunks hushed. Then he winked.

Goku smiled. "Wait until Buruma sees you."

The reaction was definitely priceless. Her eyes widened and her face paled as she took in the sight of her son. "What the Hell did you do to yourself?"

"Kaasan, cool it. It's just a few piercings..."

"...and tattoos," Goten added helpfully, fully enjoying himself.

Trunks was quickly becoming a spectacle as everyone gathered around to ask questions. Finally, he pulled off his shirt for the semi-full effect. Some of his artwork was in several very private areas.

Silver barbells went through both nipples, a luck charm decorated his bellybutton and a tattoo of a green dragon taking flight, its wings partially extended covered most of his chest. Its tail hung down over his flat abdomen and curved around its small indentation, the point suggestively placed right above the low-riding waistband of his Levis. On his back was a very nice and colorful image of a samurai standing before a sunrise, his katana raised high in promise. "He's gonna fight the dragon," Trunks informed them.

Shakily, his mother groped for the nearest chair. She sank into it gratefully, her legs weak. "I can't believe this," she murmured.

Goten grinned. "But wait! There's more!" His mouth was abruptly covered by Trunks. No one needed to know about the little chibi picture of his lover surrounded by a heart on his right butt cheek.

"It can wait, Chibi," he murmured to placate him. "So, um, we're gonna go drop off our stuff."

"Your room is the third on the right from the stairs," Bura informed them. Her lips twitched in amusement. "Goten's is next door."

Vegeta leaned in close to his mate and murmured, "Something tells me that only one of those rooms will be used."

"Something tells me that you're right."

***

People were steadily arriving. Right before they sat down for dinner, Yamucha and Pu'ar came bearing gifts. "Meri Kurisumasu!" he said as he dropped his stuff into the nearest chair. Gohan (who'd answered the door) frowned at that. Before Pu'ar could do the same, the demi-Saiya-jin glared at her.

"I'll just wait until I know where to put it," she said nervously.

"Is that food I smell?" the former martial artist asked as he followed his nose to the dining room. "I hope Buruma didn't cook..."

Insulted, the scientist didn't wait a moment before screaming at him. "You rude son of a-" Then she cut herself off, remembering that there were tender ears around.

Vegeta laughed uncharacteristically and had absolutely no reserves about using profanity. "Still can't handle the truth, eh onna? If you do believe that shit you make can be considered food then you're more delusional than I thought."

"Papa, remember the children," Bura admonished.

Gohan had to grin at the words coming from the dining room. It wasn't truly Christmas without the bickering, the insults, and the rebukes.

Dinner went fine for the most part. Trunks launched into a story ten minutes into the meal about each and every one of his tattoos and piercings that left Videl feeling mildly nauseous. "See, I tried to do my bellybutton on my own when profits were low. The barbell was okay in there for a while, then the hole started closing up and my jewelry was ejected from my body like a fat person from an all-you-can-eat buffet."

"I made him go to a professional," Goten added while serving himself more mashed potatoes. "If I had to listen to him scream again I was going to kill him."

During dessert, Marron and ChiChi arrived. They had bonded over the few years everyone had been separated and discovered that they had quite a few things in common. The formerly bright and happy girl had wilted beneath ChiChi's stern tutelage and had morphed into a weed.

Trunks was just starting on his most recent piercing. "Four weeks ago I decided that there was one more place I wanted to pierce."

But there aren't any more places besides your left ear," Bura said. Then her eyes widened. "Unless..." She looked down at the table to where her brother's groin would be. Everyone followed her example.

"Hai, I got my scrotum pierced."

Every male at the table (except for Goten) imagined going through such an experience and winced. None of them could even come close to the true amount of pain, however. A week later when the throbbing still hadn't ceased, Trunks wanted to kill himself. Goten was more annoyed than sympathetic since he was also feeling the pain in its entirety through their bond.

Goten started to laugh. "He's got so much metal on him that he set off the detectors at both airports!"

"Konban-wa, minna-san," ChiChi said politely. She wore a long purple dress with sensible black shoes and her dark hair was done up in a tight bun. No make-up adorned her face and you could easily see her true age of fifty-four. Eerily enough, Marron's blonde hair was done up the same exact way yet her dress was navy blue.

"What the hell happened to her?" Trunks whispered to his best-friend and lover of the past ten years. "She looks like she's your kaasan's clone."

He shrugged uncomfortably, not liking it one bit. "Neither of them should be here, Trunks-chan. There are too many hard feelings."

Of the guests, only Yamucha, Buruma, and Pu'ar were the least bit pleased to see them.

***

Catching up was giving her a tension headache. If she'd known that there were many unresolved conflicts were being waged amongst her friends, she wouldn't have invited them all to her mountain home.

Marron, of all people, had gotten the deadly ball going. All knew that she and Trunks had been an item once upon a time, but no one save a few knew just why they'd broken up.

"You're nothing but a lying, cheating bastard!" she shouted at him. Luckily the girls had been sent off to bed. Initially, she'd only been very sad at the disintegration of what she'd considered a perfect relationship, but counseling from ChiChi had completely changed her attitude.

He, for the most part, remained calm. "How many times do I have to apologize? How many times do I have to remember that and feel awful?"

"You could do it forever and it still wouldn't be enough," she sniffled. "I _trusted _you! I gave all of myself to you!"

The doorbell mercifully interrupted Marron's theatrics. Four people stood on the porch.

"I hope we aren't too late," Kuririn said. "Our flight from LA was so crowded we decided to take the next one."

He and Juuhachi-gou had retired to Tahiti after the Jinzouningen had finally received payment for losing the 27th Tenkaichi Budoukai via Satan-san's Last Will and Testament. He'd become Buddhist right before his death and cited in his will that he wanted to acquire more good karma before his next life.

Buruma smiled weakly. "No, you're just in time. Come on in."

Everyone looked up as the newcomers entered the family room. Kuririn appeared ancient beside his unchanging wife Juuhachi-gou while the two behind him, Piccolo and Pan, just appeared odd. Namek-jin and quarter-Saiya-jin folded their hands into the voluminous sleeves of their long white robes and bowed.

"Peace be with you," both said in dreamy, distant voices with equally dreamy, distant expressions.

"Oookay," Yamucha said. Then he abruptly tried to draw attention back to the matter at hand. "Hey Trunks, what did you do to her?" His attempt was a success.

"Tell them!" Marron demanded. "I'm sure they'll be quite surprised to learn the true depths of your evil."

Shaking his head in pity, he said, "If it'll make you feel better." Goten laid a gently restraining hand on his arm but was brushed off. "Ten and a half years ago, I cheated on her with someone else. She came home early one day from a business trip overseas and caught us together in our bed."

His mother gasped and covered her mouth in horror. "Oh Trunks, no."

"That's not all!" The wounded young woman thrust her index finger into Goten's face causing him to either move away or risk losing an eye. "It was with him! My boyfriend and that hanryou¹ were fucking in my bed!"

Goten glared at her angrily. "We were making love! There's a _big_ difference!"

"Not when you're on your knees and he's draped all over you like that." The angry woman then proceeded to mimic Goten's voice. " 'Oh, Trunks! Give it to me harder! Make me scream!' "

A look of utter disgust appeared on Bura's face. She'd known for a long while that her niichan and Goten were together (just as Trunks knew the true identity of Misagi's father and promised not to kill him), but the last thing she wanted to hear about were their sexual exploits. "I definitely didn't need to know that, Marron."

Buruma was nodding. "I agree."

An amused chuckle drew attention to the couple lounging by the fireplace. "It doesn't surprise me a bit that Goten's uke²," Vegeta commented.

"Stop it, Vegeta," Goku warned quietly, "or I'll tell everyone who's usually uke in _our_ relationship."

"You wouldn't dare," he hissed dangerously.

His mate grinned wickedly. "Just try me."

'_Kami,_' the small Saiya-jin thought to himself, '_he's so fucking hot when he's being threatening. Just like a true Saiya-jin._' His blood ignited, sending a rush of heat rapidly downward. '_Calm down or you'll miss the rest of the show._'

Kuririn pleaded with his daughter to cease pining over someone happily cohabitating with someone else. "Honey, that was a very long time ago. You should move on now."

"It will never fade. The pain of betrayal is like an immortal flower in full bloom." ChiChi's cold black eyes focused on her ex-husband's face. "No one else will be able to erase it. No one else is ever good enough."

"Isn't this enough drama for tonight?" Yamucha asked, very uncomfortable. Homosexual relationships were always an uncomfortable topic with him. "We did come here to have a good time, after all."

Somewhere a bell rang. "Peace and tranquility," Pan murmured softly from behind her cowl. "Love abounds."

Now that attention was drawn to the strange pair once again, her mother couldn't hold in her questions any longer. "What latest thing are you into now, Pan?"

"Not Pan," she responded. "I am called Sister Songbird now." In unison, Trunks and Goten burst into hysterical giggles. "My companion is called Brother Deliverer. He is the leader of our faith."

"So, you've joined a cult that Piccolo-san's heading?" her father asked incredulously.

Sister Songbird shook her head gently. "Not a cult. We will soon be a church."

Brother Deliverer, at last, spoke up. His voice was even dreamier and distant than that of his disciple, if possible. "We are the Church of Tranquility."

There were many saddened head shakes. "Well," Bura said. "I'm going to bed." She spared one last pitying look for the young woman who used to be her best-friend. "Good night."

The last thing she heard was Trunks ask, "Pan-chan? Are you two on acid?"

***

An hour later, after the two people she'd convinced to help her trim the abandoned tree had gone up to bed, the doorbell rang again. Having a feeling that she knew exactly who it was, she groaned aloud and was tempted to not open the door. "Roshi," she sighed.

He grinned at her. "Meri Kurisumasu to you too, Buruma. Is everyone else already here?" He shrugged off his coat and helped Oolong with the luggage.

"Why the hell are you so late?" she asked while locking the door, not really sure she wanted to know but curious nonetheless. "Weather delay your flight?"

"Nooo, not exactly. Hey, is there any food left? If Goku's here I doubt it."

The goofy expression on his face didn't fool her one bit. "What happened?"

"Lola happened," explained the little pig beside them. "Oh, and the cops played a small role."

"I should have known there was a woman involved!"

Roshi muttered to himself grumpily. "She got all upset over nothing. All I did was take one little peek..."

"Followed by several squeezes and a kiss," Oolong said dryly. "Even _I_ thought the bite was a little over the top."

Buruma massaged her temples. "So let me get this straight. You molested some girl named Lola?"

"In the airport terminal. In front of about fifty other people, some of whom were children."

She was utterly disgusted. "I had no idea my opinion of you could get any lower, old man."

Kamesennin began to whine as she walked away from them and headed to the staircase. "Her skirt was so short and tempting, Buruma! You have no idea what that does to a man like me!" There was no response. "Umigame doesn't think I'm pathetic. He wired me the bail money." More silence. "Buruma, where are we supposed to sleep?"

"Outside for all I care!" she screamed. Then said in a resigned (and more quiet) voice, "Last door on the left."

"Domo arigatou." He turned to Oolong. "Did you pack them?" Roshi asked, indicating his favorite magazines among his collection.

"Would I wound you by not?" the pig asked companionably. The hundreds of small lights from the large Christmas tree lit their way up the stairs.

_  
¹ = it means half-breed and is usually used an insult (been watching a lot of subbed Inu Yasha lately).  
² = it means submissive. Dominant is called seme._

* * *

_**Part 2**_

_December 25th, 6:03 a.m. "Buruma's Home @ Amaki Ski Resort"_

In the predawn light, a blue-haired young woman tip-toed downstairs with a large bag over one shoulder. Beneath her breath she hummed Santa Claus is Coming to Town as she laid out the presents she and her mother had purchased under the tree. Smiling at the display, she just as quietly tip-toed back to her room.

Other forms visited the shining Christmas tree that morning. A bald old man with a full white beard, a heavily decorated lavender-haired gay man, a tall martial artist with messy hair and a big grin, and a petite woman with large blue eyes and dark hair. In just a little over an hour the formerly barren tree had "birthed" dozens of baby presents in all shapes, sizes, and colors.

More time passed and five-year-old Fajita awoke and looked over at her best-friend Misagi. It was Christmas! A giant smile spread across her face. "Misa-chan!"

"Iie, Mama," she mumbled softly in response. "Imasukoshi gopun, kudasai.³"

"C'mon, Misa-chan!" Fajita insisted. She slid down from her single bed and went over to the other side of the room. The little girl shook her friend briskly. "We have to open presents now. Santa came last night."

The word "Santa" made Misagi's eyes pop open. "Presents?" she asked.

"Hai."

"PRESENTS!"

Without any further delay, the two girls ran at top speed downstairs even though both of their mothers had warned them of the danger. In the doorway to the living room they halted and gasped in sheer delight.

"Oh, wow!" Misagi exclaimed. "We must have been _really_ good this year!"

"They're not all ours, baka." The old girl picked up the nearest one and pointed to the tag. "This one's for Goten-ojiichan."

Misagi scowled. "Don't call me a baka."

Excitedly, they dug into the pile. Presents that didn't belong to them were carelessly tossed aside, neither girl realizing (just like the post office) that fragile things really did exist. There was a muted thunk as a gift labeled for Buruma went flying, but there was no reaction to the sound by either Fajita or Misagi.

"How many did you get?" Fajita asked. "I got juuni."

There was only quiet muttering in response for the moment while the four-year-old counted. "Juugo," she answered happily.

"No way! Let me do it." She was pretty sure the slightly younger girl had made a mistake but, lo and behold, there were indeed fifteen gifts spread around her. "That's not fair!"

"Life's not fair." Then she stuck out her tongue.

The thundering of the footsteps of a larger person made both girls look in the direction of the stairs. A very excited thirty-one-year-old (who was very much still a kid at heart) crawled beneath the low-hanging branches in search of something. Both girls giggled at the sight his swaying butt made.

"Whatcha looking for, Goten-ojiichan?" Fajita asked, momentarily distracted from ripping the cheerful wrapping paper on her girl to shreds.

"Gohan-niichan promised to buy me something," he said, his voice muffled. His large body moved in even more, sending a dusting of evergreen needles and a few ornaments cascading down on top of him. "Just a little more... Gotcha!"

Carefully he maneuvered his way out, pulling something fairly large with him. "Sugoi! He _did_ buy me a snowboard!"

"I wondered what made you get up so early," Trunks said. He'd been leaning against the wall for admiring his mate's backside for quite some time. He didn't try to stifle a laugh when he saw the amount of needles clinging desperately to Goten's hair. "Uh, Chibi? You're got a little something right-" He patted his own head. "-here."

"I'll get it when I shower." Goten tore the paper off and sighed with utter bliss. Lovingly, he patted it and gently leaned it against the wall. "Daddy has to go away for a little while, baby, but he'll be right back."

Trunks snorted. "I think I've been replaced by a sporting good."

His little niece nodded solemnly despite the fact that she really didn't know what a "sporting good" was. "I think you're right," she said.

***

His dreams were filled with Vegeta.

Reluctant to leave him even in slumber, Goku often imagined them together in his mind doing common, ordinary things such as snuggling on the sofa or enjoying a romantic candlelit dinner. One time, they'd gone scuba diving and Vegeta had gotten into a fight with a shark.

A small body slid into bed beside him, filling the rapidly cooling spot that had been vacated before. Soft hands began a leisurely exploration of his body, hands that did not remotely feel like the calloused hands of his lover. This thought penetrated Goku's sleep-fogged brain more rapidly than anything else in the world.

"You're not Vegeta," he said while rolling over. Dark eyes partially obscured beneath black bangs smoldered.

"He can't keep you satisfied, Goku-sa. Only a woman can do that... and I'm the one."

"Get away from me, ChiChi." He slid from the bed in an attempt to put as much space between them as possible. "How many times do I have to tell you that it's over? It's been that way for seven years!"

She crawled on hands and knees across the bed. "You're not meant for him! A good man like you shouldn't be wasted on a murderer."

He could see that there was really no way to get through to her. ChiChi lived in her very own little world the likes of which he'd never before seen. "Gomen ne, ChiChi. Vegeta means everything to me. I can't imagine living without him."

Sobbing at his admission, his ex-wife finally gave into what had been obvious for so long. Over the thirty year course of their marriage, they had only spent a combined total of about seventeen years of it together -- just over half. Of the seven years he and Vegeta had been together, she was sure that 99.9% of the time Goku had been right by his side. There was only one conclusion to draw.

She had to let him go.

"Alright, Goku. I hope you two have a nice life together." Her voice cracked on the final word, betraying her attempt at composure. "You were my only love..."

Awkwardly, he patted her on the shoulder. "You'll always be special to me, but only one person is my entire world."

With one last sad smile ChiChi departed, considering dreams that were never meant to be.

***

In a rush, Goten and Trunks had poured large bowls of cereal for the girls and for themselves. "We're gonna catch the biggest air," Goten said dreamily as he imagined himself being congratulated by several handsome men. The image was inadvertently sent from his head to Trunks' (who then proceeded to thump him on the ear).

"Chibi, you don't even know _how_ to snowboard let alone how to do it well," Trunks pointed out.

"But I'll learn," he said confidently as he shoveled in the last spoonfuls. "C'mon, let's go before the crowds get there."

On the mountain it was so cold that the tip of Goten's nose was losing all sensation. He couldn't stop grinning, though. It was just a dream come true.

His head was covered with a navy ski hat, a navy and gray parka adorned his body. Thick boots encased his legs up to mid-calf. Carefully he kneeled down to secure his feet to his brand new snowboard as per Simon's instructions.

"Okay, first thing we'll do is find our balance. That's what separates us from an embarrassing fall into the snow. Then we'll try a small hill."

Trunks observed his lover's attempts with no small amount of amusement. His arms were extended as far as they would go and were swaying in an attempt to correct himself as he leaned too far left or right. He had nothing else to really do since winter sports were not among the others on his list of favorites.

"Oi, Trunks!" he heard someone call behind him. Half-turning, he saw Goku and his father approach with ski equipment in hand. "You aren't going to join him?"

"I know how to 'board already. Besides," he grinned, "watching him is definitely a lot more fun." As if on cue, Goten leaned forward too far and fell face first into the snow. His mate, as well as the two older Saiya-jin, burst into laughter.

Goten lifted his dripped head up and glared at them. Of course, the effect was ruined completely by the clumps of snow clinging to his hair and eyebrows. The trio laughed ever harder.

"We're heading off to find a quiet place," Goku said while wiping away tears.

"So you can neck?" Trunks leered.

"Iie, boy," said his father. "Kakarotto here is under the delusion that he can ski better than I."

His mate chuckled. "It's not a delusion when everyone know it's true."

"Who's 'everyone'? You and the hand you'll be using to get yourself off if you continue to argue with me?" Their voices began to fade as the distance between them and Trunks grew larger.

"People with small and slender bodies like myself are more agile. That's why we ski better. You probably weight twice as much as I do and you're a foot taller."

Goku stopped and stared at him. Trunks could imagine the raised eyebrow. "Now you have a problem with my body, eh Vegeta? You seem to like it just fine when you were flat on your back last night." They both began walking again. "Or how about when you were on your knees begging me to-"

Mercifully, the sounds of good-natured bickering failed to carry back to him. There was only so much he was willing to allow entrance into his mind.

"Look, Trunks-chan!" Goten demanded like a small child anxious to show his parents a new drawing. "I can move without falling over!" Of course, with the object of his immense affection watching, he couldn't stabilize himself to save his life. "Aw, crap."

Trunks walked over to him to give a few pointers. It didn't hurt that a lot of body-to-body contact went into it. Not at all.

Did he say previously that he wasn't fond of winter sports? '_My bad,_' he rescinded. '_But summer sports are still soooo much better._'

When Goten was deemed "skilled enough" by his instructor, he released the young man back into his mate's care. "Stick to the bunny slopes for now, okay? I don't want to know that ski patrol had to go rescue you."

"Sure thing, Simon," he promised. With a bright smile he waved him away. "I'll be fine." Skeptical and reluctant, Instructor Simon departed for his next lesson.

Trunks strapped on the snowboard he'd rented. "I know you, Goten. You aren't going to listen."

"What's so hard about this? I balance and slide."

He grinned. "You can do each separately, but together while going downhill? I think you'll have a tougher time than you think." Silently laughing, he used his legs to push himself down the minor slope of the beginner hill. His arms were extended slightly. As he descended, his love made a zigzag trail in the snow.

"Show off," Goten murmured. He could easily imagine the look of smug satisfaction on Trunks' face.

"I can do this no problem." With a count of three, Goten pushed himself off...

...and forced himself backward onto his butt when an uncommon sense of fear rose within him. "Um, I'll just be at Buruma's house," he called to his lover. "You have fun." Before Trunks could say a word in response, Goten had the snowboard in his hand and was walking off. He could feel amused eyes on him and could hear the laughs fearless children. Few times before had he been so embarrassed.

Trunks glared at anyone even _looking_ at Goten funny. "Chibi, wait! I have an idea!"

***

It was Buruma's turn to cook. Bura had gone off with her skis (and the girls) after lunch and had yet to return. Videl was spending a welcomed afternoon alone with her husband. After the wonderful surprise known as Fajita, neither had expected such for, at least, seven more years. Goku was still entertaining a multitude of challenges from his very competitive mate. Of the others, only one had some sort of competence when it came to cooking and that was ChiChi.

"How have you been lately?" Buruma asked automatically. When she realized who she was talking to, she could have kicked herself. This woman had been abandoned by her husband in favor of another man -- one who had threatened Chikyuu-sei more times than Roshi had been arrested for improper sexual conduct. But wait... Hadn't the very same thing -- in a way -- happened to her?

"Oh, ChiChi," she laughed. It was far better than crying. Even if she was well and truly over Vegeta, it still didn't make the abruptness of their separation hurt any less. "When I look back at my life, I wonder how I could be so dense."

Black eyes flinched very slightly. "I have no idea what you mean," she said to cover her reaction.

Buruma knew that she did but kept up the charade anyway. "All those 'late night sparring sessions' when he would come home with these secret little smirks on his face. I never questioned it since he was still as battered and bloody as ever." She shook her head. "Now I attribute it to the fact that coupling with Vegeta was rarely gentle. Two Saiya-jin together would definitely produce some bruises and minor wounds."

"He was so gentle with me," ChiChi said so softly that the other woman very nearly couldn't hear her. "It was as if he thought I was made of glass. I think -- no, I _know_ -- he was holding back. You could see it in his eyes. As I aged, and he remained just as young and virile as ever, a little something died inside of me each year. I constantly wondered why I was holding onto him when whatever love we'd shared had faded long ago. That day he came to me and begged my forgiveness, I knew that he was forever lost to me. At least, my mind knew," ChiChi said self-depreciatively. "My heart had yet to be convinced. I can't believe it took me seven years to finally let him go completely."

"When it's your first love the breakup is especially bad," Buruma consoled. She remembered very well the day she broke it off with Yamucha for the final time. "I, on the other hand, had told myself that I could be everything Vegeta ever needed in the world. Since his people were all gone except for Goku, I thought that he needed a lifeline. Instead, he needed a friend and an equal. Son-kun can be so many things for him."

The two women felt the bond of friendship renew between them just as strong as ever before.

***

A giggling pair of demi Saiya-jin came back from the mountain ten minutes late. Their eyes were reddened due to what everyone had initially assumed was the cold wind, but a further investigation revealed a completely unexpected cause.

Trunks' mother sniffed the air carefully. By the look on Vegeta and Goku's face, their noses had identified the aroma rather quickly. "Trunks," she began slowly.

"Haaaai," he responded with equal slowness.

"What have you and Goten been smoking?"

He tried to look chastened but failed when Goten pinched his butt playfully. Nothing could stop the small moan that escaped. That unnerved his friends and family more than a little. "Go-chan was afraid to snowboard. A joint loosened him up."

"Prime stuff," the slightly younger man spoke up. He shifted restlessly; the good marijuana had a habit of making him horny. "When we make the profit, we buy the weed."

All the color drained from both Buruma and ChiChi's faces. "You sell it, too?!" the dark-haired woman asked.

Goten and Trunks glanced at each other and burst into hysterical laughter. It took them several minutes to get it under control since one little snicker from one immediately set off the other. "Oh, Kami, iie," Trunks said breathlessly. "We own our own business in San Francisco called Forbidden Fantasies. We sell adult-themed stuff to gay men and lesbians."

"It's the most popular store of its kind in the city."

Buruma sighed in both relief and resignation. "Thank Kami for small favors, but you two still shouldn't be smoking that stuff!"

"Actually, onna," Vegeta immediately spoke up just to irritate her, "marijuana doesn't affect Saiya-jin the way it affects humans."

"How did I know you were going to say that?" She threw up her hands. "Fine, do what you want. You're both adults and should know enough to take care of yourselves." Both nodded rapidly and took the remaining empty seats at the table.

"You should have seen him!" Goten giggled. "We were finally on the slopes and Trunks didn't watch where he was going..."

Everyone could basically see where this story was headed and there were a lot of hastily muffled snickers.

"So he hit a tree head-on-" He made a movement with his hands to simulate the force of impact. "-and knocked it down completely. Then it got caught under him and he slid on it all the way to the bottom of the hill."

The muffled snickers weren't so muffled anymore.

"Cameras flashed as people tried to get it on film," he laughed. "I saw at least three people with video cameras."

"Well, it wasn't as funny as what happened to you later," Trunks shot back. "You should have seen him on the intermediate slope trying to do an aerial 360°. He didn't stop even when he was back on the ground. He was so dizzy I thought he was going to be sick!"

After dinner, Bura touched Yamucha's arm gently and motioned for him to follow her into the other room. She hadn't wanted to confront him at all, but now was as good a time as any. "It's been a long time," she said softly.

"Yeah..." He couldn't bear to look at her and remind himself of how much he missed Buruma. Even though neither of them were currently unattached, something insurmountable stood between him and his need: history.

"She's yours, you know," the young woman said conversationally. "Misagi, I mean."

A look of complete shock covered his face. "What are you talking about?"

"That night four years ago. Don't tell me that you forgot." She smiled tremulously. "Please don't tell me that it didn't mean anything to you."

The shame he felt for seducing a sixteen-year-old girl couldn't compare to the shame he felt for getting her pregnant. Bura had looked identical to Buruma at that age and his wistful memories of what had once been controlled his actions with her innocent daughter. "I-I shouldn't have, Bura. It was a mistake."

Her eyes narrowed and the legendary Briefs temper flared. "So are you saying that sleeping with me was the worst mistake of your life?"

"In short, hai," he replied honestly. "You were still a child."

There were no tears or no open-handed slaps. She was Vegeta's child too, after all. Her fist came up and clocked him dead in the jaw. Female or not, she was still a demi Saiya-jin and would have broken it had she not pulled the hit. "You took my virginity, you asshole! You got me pregnant! And still, it was 'the worst mistake of your life'?!"

As she calmed, she realized that probably everyone in the entire house could hear her. "Oh, shit."

Vegeta stepped out of the dining room, a remarkably evil grin on his face. "Yamucha, may I possibly have a word with you?"

He backed away. As a ningen, his survival instinct was fully intact. "Iie, you may not."

"Papa, leave him alone. I will not have you killing Misagi's otousan. Besides, I was a willing participant so I'm as much to blame as he is. Yamucha didn't rape me or anything."

The small Saiya-jin sighed in disappointment and very nearly pouted. "Very well."

_  
And I heard him exclaim as he strode out of sight,  
Meri Kurisumasu to all, and, goddammit, good night!_

  
_³ = my completely bastardized version of "five more minutes, please". I have yet to take a formal Japanese class (not until next school year I'm afraid)._

* * *

**_Epilogue_**

_January 10__th, 8:54 p.m. "Trunks and Goten's home in San Francisco"_

"Trunks, you're gonna miss World's Dumbest Moments Seven if you don't hurry up!" Goten was parked in front of the 60" plasma screen and surround sound entertainment system that had cost most of one month's income to purchase. It was one of the best Christmas gifts they'd ever gotten themselves, a fact that was constantly reinforced whenever they watched porn.

His lover vaulted over the back of the black leather sofa and managed to keep the popcorn bowl upright. "Did I miss anything?"

"It just came back on. Shh!"

_"And now, for capturing Dumbest Moment of the Year on film, we present Mr. and Mrs. Lowell of Seattle, Washington with a check for $500,000!"_

The scene played out exactly how both Goten and Trunks remembered it. They were snowboarding while high as kites and had, from somewhere, gotten the idea that a synchronized aerial 360° was a good thing. Bodies collided mid-air, tangled, and plummeted to the snow where they proceeded to form the largest snowball ever seen. They rolled downhill, causing many a person to either leap out of the way or be knocked down by two runaway marijuana-smoking demi Saiya-jin.

Trunks was shocked. "We look so fucking stupid!"

That was the last thing on Goten's mind. "They won $500 thousand from _our_ moment! Those bastards! I'm calling a lawyer!"

"Chibi, shut up."

_~OWARI~_

**  
Author's Note #2: **And here you are, a complete short story that's supposed to be kinda funny but probably isn't. I also don't claim to know anything about snowboarding since I've never done it before (obvious, isn't it?). I tried to remember about what I've seen and heard on Rocket Power but it's been a while. Oh, and my 'Twas the Night Before Christmas quote at the end has been altered to fit. Anyway, Happy Holidays.


End file.
